It's gonna be a lean Christmas, kids
Just like my Daddy said
No one hiring an honest man
Or even a dishonest one
All my rich kin, long buried and dead.

Family business is looking black
Grandpa might not be coming back
No one wants their picture taken with Santa Clause
Since the drunk old fool got into a scrap
With the casino cops and lost.

Can't even look at my wife no more
She spent all the rent money
Scored six pairs of shoes, Black Friday,
Her favorite on-line store

Kids drooling over the fancy catalog toys

They won't be gettin
Nothing but holey hand-me-downs
Broken toys from the Goodwill clearance bin
No more unemployment checks coming in

My wife tried to kill me
And she's got nothing to say.
Since I forget to clean the bathroom
And sold her Hitler boots on e-bay.

Now I've been living in my broken down old car
Since I pawned my best friend's thousand dollar guitar
Tried to enlist in the National Guard
But I just turned forty and the work's too hard
Plus they got me on some list
Cause I didn't support the Patriot Act
Too many damned taxes in arrears
Merry Christmas, kids
Daddy might not be back til after New Years . . .